Beginning Again….and again

Feb 2

It’s been quite the journey this past year.

I wrote in my journal almost everyday with the intention of sharing what was written on those pages.

In the beginning I was processing my life like a gentle parenting technique, lovingly allowing myself to process all the things. What I came to realize quickly after the butterflies and rainbows faded was that my journal became a very raw, real place for me lay down my true inner feelings and thoughts about what was happening in my life, in real time. Which felt like a dumpster fire out of control.

It was not a reflection. It was a raging, at times, uncontrollable tornado of emotions. Which was anything but pretty. For a hot minute it was just icky, sticky, bullshit. For lack of a better description.

My biggest take away from writing almost every day is that we are people who operate on patterns. Patterns that pop up when the seasons start to change, and patterns that we shift into when things are not going our way.

Or they are gong our way.

We navigate this life next to a community of our people, laying down every night next to someone who loves you, yet we are on a solo journey. We are the narrator of our lives. Talking to the biggest imaginary friend we will have for our entire life. One who never talks back, but for some reason can always be felt.

I have come to the conclusion that we are the hardest on ourselves. Like a punching bag to the dome on the daily. We allow ourselves almost zero grace when it comes to being human and making mistakes, or doing the same damn thing over and over and over.

Doesn’t nature do the same thing over and over again, infinitely?

And yet, we marvel at her grace and tenacity.

What about our own? Who received a handbook tucked into the glove compartment of their dashboard to take out and refer to when a warning, or maintenance light comes on?

Not me!

I’m doing my best everyday to remind myself that this is my first time here too. It’s my first time in this body. It’s my first time being a mother, daughter, sister, wife and friend. My first time being an artist and learning new things on my adventure called life.

When life feels like I’m in the ‘begin again’ stage I have learned to lean into it. It is okay to begin again, and again and again.

Nature does, and she just keeps moving forward, shedding that which no longer serves her, dropping leaves to the ground allowing space for NEW GROWTH.

Be like Mother Nature and take time for rest. Take time for growth. Take time for joyous moments. Take time to enjoy your first time being here and being human.

Be humble. Be brave. Be kind. Be unapologetically YOU.

Begin again.

Every day.

Because you CAN and because the world needs more of YOU.

I love you.

With love always, Erin